by Marty Parker

Most business leaders can tell you their quarterly targets, strategic priorities, and key performance indicators without hesitation. But when you ask them how their team is actually doing, oftentimes they can’t give an honest answer. This not only leads to uncomfortable conversations but also to expensive consequences.

From my experience,  teams led by emotionally detached leaders experience higher turnover, lower productivity and a culture where team members show up but don’t truly engage. While the work still gets done, the innovation, the problem-solving and going above and beyond disappear – leaving you with employees who do exactly what’s required and nothing more.

The difference between leaders who build loyalty and leaders who lose talent often comes down to a single moment: how they respond when someone on their team faces a personal crisis.

Consider what happened in offices across America on Sept. 11, 2001. Some leaders responded to employees affected by the attacks by saying the right things, pointing them to HR resources, and ensuring coverage. Everything was done by the book, and six months later, many of those leaders watched their best people leave for opportunities that paid roughly the same.

Other leaders responded differently. When I had one employee who learned his sister had been killed in the World Trade Center attack, I intervened with HR for unlimited leave, personally took on the employee’s projects, and recruited other team members to volunteer for the rest. The employee was out for three months, but the team stepped up during his absence and continued to support him after his return, recognizing that grief doesn’t follow a return-to-work schedule.

I realize this is an extreme example, but that experience highlights an important leadership lesson. Emotional intelligence is what earns you permission to lead people, not just manage them. Without it, every interaction becomes transactional, and transactional relationships produce transactional results.

The Tension Leaders Must Navigate

When a crisis hits your team, you’re caught in an impossible tension. You may be feeling the full weight of the situation, whether it’s concern, grief, or uncertainty, but as a leader, you also have to remain available and steady for everyone else who’s watching how you respond.

It’s tricky to strike a balance between authenticity and the ability to lead. And honestly, it’s okay if you show more emotion than you planned. Many leaders fear this will undermine their authority, but I’ve found the opposite is true. Vulnerability creates connection, and that connection is what allows teams to function during difficult times. When people see that you’re affected too, it gives them permission to be human at work.

Practice What You Preach 

“How can I help?” has become such a reflexive question that it’s almost meaningless. The harder question is: are you prepared to do whatever the answer is?

When someone on your team faces challenges, you may need to step in more actively than your typical role requires. That means doing a deep dive on what they’re actually working on, understanding their projects, knowing the deadlines, and identifying what can be redistributed or paused.

A practical tip is to leverage technology: use generative AI to summarize recent emails, reports, and project documentation to get up to speed faster. As artificial intelligence continues to integrate into organizational workflows, leaders are using it to quickly understand the work so they can thoughtfully redistribute the load, take things off their plate or identify the right people to step in.

What This Looks Like Daily 

Your response to a crisis is important, but so is how you show up every day. In practice, this comes down to specific behaviors:

• Empathetic listening: Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Slow down. Listen fully. Ask follow-ups that demonstrate you’re genuinely engaged. Emotional intelligence starts there.
• Specific support: Replace vague offers with concrete questions. Try questions like, “How are you really doing?” or “What do you need from me right now?” Not just, “Let me know if I can help.” That extra layer of specificity goes a long way.
• Vulnerability: You don’t need to overshare, but being honest about your own challenges gives others permission to do the same. When you open up about stress, family, or uncertainty, it fosters connection, which in turn builds strong teams.

These behaviors require intention and the willingness to treat your team as whole people, not just employees. 

What Actually Drives Performance

Business operates on metrics, and rightfully so. But we’ve gotten so focused on measuring what’s easily quantifiable that we’ve lost sight of what actually drives those numbers: people who choose how much of themselves to bring to work each day.

When your team knows that you truly value them, not just their output, they give you their best work. Not out of obligation, but out of loyalty, which allows teams to weather economic uncertainty, competitive pressure, and organizational change.

In every high-functioning team I’ve worked with, people feel seen and valued. They know their leader will show up when it matters.

At the end of the day, leadership is about both how you manage the business and how you treat the people who are doing the work. Your team will forget the deck you presented at the quarterly review and  forget most of your emails, but they’ll never forget how you made them feel when they needed you most.